I’ve previously written about a falling out I had with a friend who I called ‘A’
The story about it is on here somewhere.
Well, she’d contacted me after a year of not being in each other’s lives at all, yesterday. She said she wanted to know how I was, if I wanted to meet up and grab some coffee and chat. She told me she didn’t understand why I stopped speaking to her. I told her the truth; about how I could not handle the cruel remarks said about my family, how it hurt she’d replaced me with other friends, how she made me feel isolated and like I was not worthy of her friendship. She told me she still wanted to meet up and talk about everything, and make things right.
So we did. It went surprisingly well. No animosity at all, and we picked up right where we left off as if nothing changed. She apologized for what she did and said, explaining she never meant to hurt me and was just upset that the family member had hurt me because she cared. I told her I can’t allow that, because my family is all I have, and she said she understood and it wouldn’t happen again, though her feelings about said person still remain the same, which is fine; not everyone will get along, they don’t speak, and as long as she keeps her opinions to herself I don’t care.
I am still very hurt about all the things that have happened, and probably always will be. I don’t think I spoke enough of what she did wrong, and why it hurt me, but there will be more moments where I can speak up. I find myself wondering if I regret letting her back into my life, solely for the fact that the borderline aspect of myself makes it nearly impossible to forget the way people do me wrong, ever. But we were great friends at one point, so maybe it’s worth letting her back, and seeing where it leads.
I doubt it will ever be like it was, and I kind of do not want it to honestly, I prefer to keep my distance from people who’ve done me wrong in the sense that I can’t trust her again with anything personal or rely on her, but I know she isn’t a bad person, I know she cares for me, and she’s fun to hang out with so at least there is that.
Half of me is glad we are on good/friendly terms now, half of me is wondering if it’s all an act. B says though she wouldn’t have tried for so long to get me to speak to her if it was fake. But you know how my mind works if you read my blog regularly.
I don’t know. Mixed feelings.